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Why Pornography is Good

If you’re a sleazy old fart like me, porn is an essential part of life. For example, a few years ago I started having problems with urination. My doctor started socking me a hundred bucks a year to have a prostrate specific antigens test. The test came out in the normal range but I started eating a lot of saw palmetto pills. They taste like crap and my problem didn’t change much. In time I quit that stuff. I did a little research and found a Vietnamese herb that is supposed to eliminate prostate complications all together. They called it Crinim Latifolium. It changed my stool to black – I thought I was dying. It didn’t solve the problem with intermittent and difficult urination. I quit the Crinim Latifolium.

My problem persisted. I thought “it’s nuts off for you pal.” My Uncle died of prostate cancer and that’s what they did to him before he died. No wonder he died, the poor guy. I spoke with my doctor and he stuck his finger up my butt and said my prostate is normal. What a schmuck! Why can’t I pee !?

News Max sent me an article about a wondrous cure for prostate problems and pointed out that most prostate problems in men over fifty are from “prostate congestion.” That is a result, it said, of “infrequent sex.” Gees! When I was a kid I thought that TSB (Toxic Sperm Build-up) was a joke. It’s not a joke. If you don’t do something about it, it’ll freakin’ kill ya! Euremic Acid poisoning, burst bladder, bladder infections; the list of the ways to die of TSB is endless and it can be excruciatingly painful. And there’s no need for it! Doctors, parents, old farts, all are embarrassed to tell you that you got do the “lady five fingers” from time to time. They like euphemisms like “massage the prostate.” What a crock – you get a vibrator, shove it up your butt, turn it on and it “massages your prostate.” Get real!

The easiest way to drain the congestion from one’s prostate which results from infrequent sex is to increase the frequency of sex. Am I missing something here? If you’re an old fart like me and all you can get is old fart women who don’t turn you on, you’re in a jam, UNLESS you have some of that handy dandy dirty stuff to look at or read and that’ll open up the faucet, so to speak, stiffen up the softened joint and return some of that former glory, if only in your mind. But that’s enough! Wa La! No more prostate congestion and we can whiz like a whiz. There is no shame in pornography as medicine.


David Ettinger